instead of what the children think what about teens that...

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Answer by Kay
Submitted on 11/18/2003
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This is the first time I've been to this newsgroup.Heck!I just found out what polyamorous is today!Have never even heard of it before!lol This has all been very interesting since I think my husband would like for us to be this way & I know deep down I am,I just have a hard time letting go of the ways we're all raised w/the moral issues & how society believes we should be & act.I think about it all the time I think more as a way of conditioning myself into becoming used to it to where it will become a reality at some point w/out all the guilt or jealous feelings attached to it. As far as the teen thing....I have a 17 year old daughter that I have recently been discussing this with.She has seen me go through some terrible relationships in the past & wants to do things differently than I had (good for her!).I've always tried to keep an open mind about things (although I admit, some things are harder than others) & just decided to slowly start talking to her about this type of life style (or to be more exact,open relationships).Since she's been in her own relationships now & has some experience w/her feelings in that respect,I was very surprised to hear her talk about how she thought that might be the way to go.So I guess my suggestion would be to just talk openly & honestly to them & they'll let you know how they feel about it. Hope this has helped. :o)

Answer by J
Submitted on 6/11/2005
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In general, teens tend to be fairly left-wing, fairly "radical", in general, far more likely to accept the idea of poly than a conservative adult. A teen is, of course, going to worry that this means you've stopped loving their parent, and there's the possibility for a lot of the same problems you have with a divorce - they may think you've stopped loving the parent because of them, they may refuse to accept that this is a permanent change, not just "a phase", they may feel very confused about what it means to love. But the only way to make things easier is to be honest. Really, even though they're not a child anymore, a teen wants to feel safe - if you can assure them that you're not going to stop loving them or their parent, that you're not going to break up the family, then that's a good start. Make sure they understand what polyamory is. Use all the resources on the net - in general, teens are more likely to read stuff on the net than in books. Show them that it's a lifestyle that works for heaps of people. Encourage them to join the newsgroup, explore different websites - don't block them out. Be as open with them as you can. Make it clear to them that while you're 'converting', you're not trying to make them do the same - tell them that you have absolutely no problem with them remaining monogamous, and explain that poly people don't see monogamy as inferior or wrong. Most importantly, show them that you love, trust and respect them - this is, of course, a general rule with teens in all situations. S/he may think you're weird at first, but with any luck, once s/he sees that it makes you happy, s/he'll be willing to try to understand. Best of luck!

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Question by Sarah*
Submitted on 11/6/2003
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
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instead of what the children think what about teens that just find out? what if the child has been raised how does one go about talking about polyamory with a teen?

Answer by leFOXX
Submitted on 2/6/2004
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Plus.. this is a matter of making a teen understanding your life. love whoever feels natural to love, and your teen is not recquired to understand, just as long as you make it CLEAR that you arent ditching your kid, or spouse, or whomever. Within these frames, i believe it to be a possible task, explaining this to your teen.

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