I'm about to become involved with a guy who is polyamourous...

<< Back to: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Question by vashti
Submitted on 8/9/2003
Related FAQ: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Rating:	Rate this question:
I'm about to become involved with a guy who is polyamourous and well, I think I still tend towards being more monogamous. I'm trying to understand it and come to grips with the idea but am having problems understanding where I would stand. A lot of my "issues" have a lot to do with my own insecurities. He is due to return from overseas shortly and I have said he can stay with me but I'm not that comfortable about his having other partners. He is content that I will set some ground rules around the house. I don't want to lose him, but am really now sure how to deal. I'm not sure that I am putting all this well- but I'm hoping that some of you can help me somehow. Thanks

Answer by GAje
Submitted on 11/24/2003
Rating:	Rate this answer:
Relationships come in many different ways...there isn't a one size fits all!! However there is one that will fit you, if you want to be in a Polyamorous relationship... more power to you. There can be a huge amount of positive aspects in polyamoury as with any relationship. I find Polyamorous relationships to be more honest and open as it removes the issue of infidelity that plagues the majority of relationships (and those reading this...be honest with yourselves, if you could guaranteed you wouldn't be caught... you would consider to stray!!! its the way we are built... only few creatures...mainly birds ever mate for life...monogomy is HUMAN construct) So I am neither suggesting that you should or shoulnt.... but weigh the pros and cons.... FOR YOU SELF But my two cents worth is, as a prediction this style of relationship will become much more common in the future....even to the point it will in time be the main relationship structure.(I am talking centuries) Yes I am a polyamorous but I don't believe it is for every one...and would never force my views upon any other either...I request others with opinions about this take a similar stance and be constructive!! Respond if you like to: polyamorous_2@hotmail.com

Answer by MiCroStoogE
Submitted on 2/15/2004
Rating:	Rate this answer:
If you're thinking about being in a relationship with a polyamorous person, you should ask yourself a couple of questions: 1) Do you want to be polyamorous yourself? If the answer to question 1) is No, then 2a) Is the joy you get from being with this person so great that you don't care if he/she has other relationships? And 2b) Is the joy you get from being with this person so great that you don't much care what other people think of you? If you can't answer Yes to both parts of this second question, keep the relationship on the "Let's just be friends" level. There's nothing wrong with polyamoury -- but there's nothing wrong with monogamy, either, if that's what suits you.

Answer by a woman; a mother a grandmother a aunt and a role model
Submitted on 6/26/2006
Rating: Not yet rated	Rate this answer:
I think that polygamous relationships are people who are unable to make a commitment to another; they only have love of self and put their self above another they are unable to see any ones need only what they want from another and rarely are willing to give what you truly desire they feel that those that are accepting of the relationship are simply very insecure and have lost any confidence in their ability to acquire love or that one is insecure; I can't tell another how to feel; I will say this; the first part of love is to have a love of yourself; you see if you have love for you no one can treat you as best as you can; to often people confuse love with sex and sex with love these feeling are two very distinctive qualities and feeling; society views on love is changing to accommodate what it appears to be the norm; yet If I was asked I would say be true to yourself I am certain you desire to understand or you even care for this person; yet if this person truly care for you; if he knows you this would never have been asked of you; people have the tendency to see your kindness and your caring as a weakness or a lack of self worth; is this the message you desire to send; put your needs first if you ask the average person if they believe in love you would be surprise of the response you shall get; people no longer trust love and fall short in making life time commitments they enter relationships thinking if it last it will if not I will move on; can you see yourself living like this; you see men view women sometimes like a woman waiting at a bus stop one get off the buss and one gets on; is that what you want for yourself true loving is choosing to love; people confuse the idea of how one make them feel as to being a part of loving think if you will; you meet a person you spend time with about that person you begin to form and make the decision to establish a closer friendship note; you make the decision to have a friendship./ relationship statement of fact you chose to go further; everything that one does has more to do with the choices you make in life you choose to allow love to grow; we even choose to stop loving think our mothers and father teach us the things to keep us secure and safe now is the time to draw from the things your parents has tried to convey to you; when I founded myself second guessing me; I went back to my mom and my dad; you see they have a way of checking and helping us to find balance in our choices and decision as well as our lives allowing someone to belittle your feeling is not having self love in fact it like saying I will be your door mat you can wipe your feet on me and I stand still and allow you to walk all over me; is that the message you want someone to think about you I hope not I don't even know you yet I it is my hope that you will meet the man who will love you as much as he has love for himself; you see the basic instruction on love is in the bible read Corinthians I think it is chap 13 I know you want to believe that a polygamous relationship; yet you will find yourself questioning you; men will say it was mention in the bible; it was doing the beginning of the formation of this world and it was use to repopulate the world; God ended that life style; the person that comes to you asking this of you is simply being self serving this man you have interest in has no true interest in you only what he think he will gain; you see at times; he will push you down to get to the other and it can feel very much like hate it is very hard to extend love or affection to two some one will lose out and it can just be you; turning out side the relationship or friendship is not how y our fix your relationship he or she is looking to fulfilled his needs; and lastly if you give in to this; who happy you or him; follow your instinct go with what your guts say; don't let no one speak to you on the divorce statistic; you simply need to know who you are; have the ability communicate; have the ability to listen to both needs; if you are not getting from the relationship what you are putting into the relationship this is a negative with drawl; you see any one that enters your life should be giving you positive deposits in your life; not decreasing or devaluing you as a person; it's like this; what do you see yourself would a polygamous life make you happy; can you trust that; human nature is self serving; so you have to think of you no one other then what you want; that how people are I guess I am saying if you want love seek love it is real and it does exist; you only give to live one time in life; life your life doing the things that promote growth love, accountability; friendship; laughter, joy, honesty; loyalty belief and hope; be giving to the other; there no such thing as 50/50 each person has to give a 100% of self to gain a whole; relationship

Answer by mreous333
Submitted on 1/14/2007
Rating: Not yet rated	Rate this answer:
Here's the thing about polyamorous relationships and dating. When I am single I meet and date as many women as I want. I am honest with EVERY woman I meet about it and they are cool. But when say I am going to be exclusive than I am TOTALLY loyal. but here is the twist. I only date women whom are bi-sexual. I will only date a woman that wants to have girlfriends together and have them living with us. It is just consenting adults who choose to be a family, that accept each other for who we are and there are no power struggles. The other women do not become in-between me and my primary girl. Just to curb anyone's curiosity, men are not allowed, because I am not bi-. I accept my girls for being bi- and they accept me for not being bi-. We all share the love and adoration for women. There is no sexual deviation outside the relationship from anyone. There is loyalty and no worries of STD's from outside sources. Now in your case, you have to ask yourself what type of relationship you want. Personally, I would not a woman out with other men or women that I was not involved with also. some ppl can be safe about it but for me it causes problems and risks. If you are bi-curious, by all means, ask him to explore that with you. If not, then you have to decide what is best for you. Men who are successful with women are VERY RARE and are challenging for women. Maybe this is why you are attracted to him. But if you are not comfortable with him having other partners than the answer is clear. This should not go past physical if you let it be more than a friendship at all. There is nothing wrong with monogamy but there is nothing wrong with polyamory either. Just choose whatever you what in your life and make your decision. Women say they want a nice guy but here's the thing. It's b.s. Actually, you want a man who has a stronger reality than you, who tels it like it is, who dominates you, appreciates you and ravishes you in bed until you are crying tears of joy. And you know it you little tease! BTW...Patrick...your comment up there is a bit judgmental and naive. The World Is Your Mirror. When you judge people it is because they reflect something back at you that you do not like about yourself. Compassion and unconditional love is the only truth.

FAQS.ORG makes no guarantees as to the accuracy of the posts. Each post is the personal opinion of the poster. These posts are not intended to substitute for medical, tax, legal, investment, accounting, or other professional advice. FAQS.ORG does not endorse any opinion or any product or service mentioned mentioned in these posts.

<< Back to: alt.polyamory Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

[ Home | FAQ-Related Q&As | General Q&As | Answered Questions ]

Answer by Patrick
Submitted on 11/4/2003
Rating:	Rate this answer:
The hell with him - he's just trying to cover his rear with you so it will be okay to screw other women while you're not around. If you want to have sex with him, that's your business, but a fancy name like "polyamorous" doesn't hide what he's doing. You seem like a good girl. Have some respect for yourself. You can do better than someone who wants to cheat on you.

Answer by dawn
Submitted on 12/8/2003
Rating:	Rate this answer:
I say RUN. You are obviously not into poly.so don't try to tell yourself you can do it. The only thing that can possibly come from this is you being hurt. Some people are perfectly happy with these type of relationships and some will never be. You are not one of these people so don't try to be. End it now before you become more emotionally involved. There will be someone else out there for you who holds relationships at the same degree of kindness and respect for there partner as you do. Just don't try to be someone you're not.

Answer by Sean
Submitted on 1/9/2004
Rating:	Rate this answer:
Remember the more one loves the more one is able to love. Not everyone is able to accept this and not everyone is able to handle this. True, you need to be true to yourself but also be true to others. No one else is able to give you your answers on this but yourself. Look deep in your self and your heart. Only you can know if you are able to accept this and if it is right for you. Trust you heart and feelings but temper it with your mind.

Answer by margie
Submitted on 12/2/2005
Rating: Not yet rated	Rate this answer:
I'm in a relationship w/a polyamorous guy I met overseas.I'm so inlove w/him & don't even care whatever people say to me.I even resigned to my employment just to be w/him.Now,he always curse & beat me to just to let him go.I guess you already know the reason why.But this is how stupid I am,I still want & love him.As of this moment I'm still keeping him maybe 'til I die.

Your name or nickname:
If you'd like to create a new account or access your existing account, put in your password here:
Your answer: