MY SON WAS 7 1/2 MONTHS OLD AND HE DIED OF SIDS, JUST TWO...

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Answer by Lee
Submitted on 6/6/2004
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Anyone concerned with SIDS should go to cotlife2000.com or babysake.com or read an article on SIDS available on babysaver.org The cause of SIDS is not medical; it is caused by environmental pollution from toxic gases found in baby mattresses. The toxic gas theory was co-discovered by Richardson and Sprott, two scientists working independently on opposite sides of the world. Sprott, a New Zealander, has endorsed wrapping baby mattresses in a special polythene plastic to shield babies from these gases. He sells a product called BabeSafe. There have been 650 cot deaths in New Zealand since 1995, but not one has occurred amongst the tens of thousands of babies who have slept on properly wrapped mattresses. Read that again, not ONE. This theory also explains why SIDS occurs at a progressively higher rate among second, third and fourth children in a family and especially those of solo parents. The older and more used the mattress, the greater the risk. Nothing else can explain this anomaly. The implications of this theory if endorsed by the relevant medical authorities worldwide are obvious. Wrap your baby's mattress.

Answer by John
Submitted on 6/16/2004
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To Monica... Dearest, I lost my son, Benjamin Michael Adamson, when he was 5 mos. old. That was 22 yrs. ago. I put a vibrant, healthy baby boy to sleep on June 4th. On June 5th I found him in his bed, blanky wound tightly around his head, you know the rest. Why did God take my boy? (and I think He did) This only happens to other people, right? I was 22 at the time. I still don't know why. I had to either a. let this occurrence bring me down, remove me from society and ultimately end my life or b.Move on with dignity and always honor the memory of Benj. I picked b I found solace in the fact that if my son was to be "yanked" from me that it was like this. Even though it's hard to let yourself off the hook, you KNOW it wasn't your fault. You'll try to blame yourself. Go ahead and do it. It's probably good for you to go through that exercise, but make sure you end up at "this wasn't my fault. This apparently was in the cards to happen and there was nothing I could have done to have prevented it" The solace comes in as me being thankful that Benj is not on a milk carton. Can you imagine that hell? You turned your back for 30 sec. and now he's gone. You would get to blame yourself for the rest of your life on that one and rightfully so. So many kids die and the parent WAS at fault. I don't know if I could live with it. Praise the Lord you & I don't have to deal with all that. It will always hurt. Always. It will get better, way better, but it will never heal all the way. You wouldn't want it to anyway. That would mean you would have forgotten your son totally. Deleted him from your memory banks. You wouldn't want that. I have one tattoo on me... a simple heart that inside of it reads "Benj". People ask me about it and I tell them. They always say "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I brought that up" And I always say "Don't be. I like telling folks about him. He was a good guy. I want you to know that" We waited about a year before we got pregnant. I wanted Ben to be Ben and then clearly end that chapter. The next kid would be Zack and I wanted his life to be clearly his and not some confusing and strange attempt at a continuation of Ben's life. I said "to hell with baby monitors and me checking to see if my kids are breathing every 3 min. and going insane in the process" It's worked out. I've been blessed with 3 kids since Ben and they're all great. I was at his grave the other day. I still cry when I see "little caskets". I'll never forget him just like you'll never forget yours. None of what I've written will fix this for you. It will never be fixed, only managed. I wish you and yours peace and love. If you need me I'm at yeahhitme@hotmail.com John Adamson

Answer by Francine
Submitted on 8/17/2004
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John, I just wanted to thank you for your words... so inspirational and true.... I'm now just starting to reach a point in my life that I realize that this will not get any better or easier.... It's about living with the hurt and pain as a part of who you are ...... I'll never be that happy go lucky carefree person again, because I have a pain that has ripped my world wide open. I've chose b. as well because I have 2 other beautiful children who need to know that we can make it through this, that there is hope in life after losing a part of you...... I still want her back and it hasn't fully sunk in yet that that will never happen........... but what keeps me going is that 5 1/2 glorious wonderful moths with her beautiful little self in my life was worth 100 years of this pain. She should still be here, without a doubt that IS what should have been.... but she'll be here forever regardless because the amount of love she brought in those tiny smiles will last forever. I remember when Madison first passed 11 mths and 3 days ago; I was ready to go with her... drove to a nearby lagoon and was ready to drive my car off the wharf........ I couldn't do it and instead of feeling relieved, I felt like a coward... I just wanted to be with my baby............ I needed her and she needed her mommy. Now I look at how I was needed here; 2 other beautiful children full of saddness and my husband .... so sad and yet wanted to be so strong for us..... it hasn't been easy and I would not wish this pain on anyone, but we have made it and the laughter that has started to enter our life is wonderful. My children need to know that life can be better again even after the most horrendous .... and that's why I'm still here.... your words hit home to me so much and I needed to say thank you.

Answer by Kim
Submitted on 7/29/2005
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I know this horrible pain and confusion you are going through right now. It has been almost 3 years since my two month old son TJ died peacefully in his sleep. I gave him his three a.m. feeding that morning, he was alert and happy (just really hungry, as usual!)and he went back to sleep right away. At six, when the alarm went off, I went to check on him. He was in exactly the same position as I had left him (he couldn't even roll over by himself yet) and he just looked like he was sleeping. It wasn't until I picked him up that I realized something was wrong. We called an ambulance and I started CPR immediately, but all of our efforts were in vain. We were later told that TJ had already been dead for about two hours. I went through the worst pain and guilt I have ever experienced. I was so furious, and there was no place to lay that blame. At first I blamed the doctor in the emergency room because he couldn't save him. Then I blamed TJ'sdoctor for giving him his two month shots a few days before it happened. Then, I just decided it had to have been my fault. I was furious with myself, I figured I had done something wrong in my life and I was being punished by God. TJ was perfect, he was not born early, as a matter of fact, he was almost two weeks overdue. He did not have a low birth weight, he was almost 11 pounds! He wasn't sick, he had never even had a runny nose. It made no sense, and I needed a reason. At one point, I even began blaming myself for letting him go back to sleep that morning(something that happened every morning since he had been born.) It took me a long time to accept the truth, that sometimes bad things just happen, even to perfect little babies. There are still times when this overwhelming sense of emptiness still hits me, and I have to go to his grave and just sit and cry. Honey, I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is. The truth really is that it's not your fault. I know you've heard that a million times, and you'll probably hear it a million more, and right now it just feels like some words people say because they don't know what else to say. It will take time, but soon you'll realize that it's true. If you could have prevented this, you would have. But, since there is no way to prevent SIDS, it can't be anyones fault when it happens, especially not the mommies who would give there own lives in a heartbeat if it would mean their babies could live. No, unfortunately, sometimes life just isn't fair. Sometimes things just don't make sense. You have to move forward now with the knowledge in your heart that your baby is safe in the loving arms of Jesus, and that while he was here with you, he spent his time bringing joy and smiles to everyone around him. He never experienced pain or guilt or heartbreak, he knew only the love you and everyone around him gave to him. I can't think of a better way to spend one's life, can you? You're in my prayers, honey. I hope this helps you, sometimes just knowing someone else understands can help when we're hurting inside. God bless you.

Answer by CINDY
Submitted on 10/20/2005
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I LOST MY SON LUCAS 8 YEARS AG0. IT WAS THE MOST DEVASTATING THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. I HAD WAITED 18 YEARS TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD. I WAS YOUNG WHEN I HAD MY DAUGHTER WHEN LUCAS WAS BORN IT WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME. WHEN HE DIED, I WANTED TO DIE WITH HIM. I AM A NURSE, AND I KNEW ABOUT SIDS. I DID EVERYTHING THAT WAS SUGGESTED. LUCAS WAS AT THE BABYSITTER AND WHEN I CAME TO PICK HIM UP HE WAS IN THE CRIB SLEEP, HE WAS GONE. I NEVER DID BLAME THE BABY SITTER. I TRIED TO FIND OUT WHAT I MYSELF HAD DONE WRONG. IT ALMOST DROVE ME CRAZY. MY JOB HELPED ME TO GET THERAPY AND THE BEAREVMENT CENTER AT THE HOSPITAL WAS A TREMENDOUS HELP. MY HUSBAND AND I GRIEVE TOTALLY DIFFERENT, AND THIS CAUSED PROBLEMS. I WOULD TALK ABOUT LUCAS, AND CRY AND HE SHOWED NO EMOTION. (THIS WAS WEEKS AFTER LUCAS' DEATH) I FELT HE DIDN'T CARE. WE ALMOST SPLIT UP. I KEPT GOING TO THERAPY AND KEPT TALKING TO ANYONE WHO WOULD LISTEN. YEARS LATER I FOUND OUT THAT MY HUSBAND WAS GRIEVING AND MISSED LUCAS AS MUCH AS I DID. HE TOLD ME HE FELT LIKE HE HAD TO BE STRONG FOR ME. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN SAY THAT WILL TAKE YOUR PAIN YOU'RE FEELING TODAY. HOWEVER WITH SUPPORT FROM FAMILY, MD'S, FRIENDS TO HELP YOU THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT TIME, THE DAY WILL COME WHEN YOU CAN LAUGH AND ENJOY LIFE AGAIN.

Answer by Robert R
Submitted on 5/12/2006
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We lost our son at the age of 11, days before Christmas, weeks before his 12th birthday. He was my only son, and we were best of buddies. If it were up to me, I wished that this would never have happened. But it did! The pain you experience is only for that very moment, but it will diminish with time. I can only say, the love you had for your child, no one will ever be able to take it. It's yours forever! When our son passed away, I realized that there are certain things, that we are capable of controlling around us. Only that when it comes to taking our last breath, we are no longer in control. So I submitted myself to the help of God, that if this were going to happen, He would have to help me like never before. And He has! If it were up to me, I would of kept him forever, but its also possible that God removed him from any further suffering. What has comforted me is that I found out later, that our son had a dream of angels coming for him, before he died. We have to trust God, that He knows what is best. And some day we will be able to hold them again, for eternity. I know that it is not easy, for even my wife some times wonders...Why my son? Yet, having had talks about death and heaven with my son, months before, he stated..."Dad, whatever happens, always answer to God." For you see, even children know what is good. So its possible that they got a glimpse of something in heaven, and decided to stay. Can we blame them, or even God? You see, the day will come that our moment will come, and we'll be left to also make that decision to go or to stay. May God Keep You In He's Peace!

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Question by MONICA
Submitted on 4/15/2004
Related FAQ: Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) misc.kids FAQ
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MY SON WAS 7 1/2 MONTHS OLD AND HE DIED OF SIDS, JUST TWO WEEKS AGO. I AM STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND WHY. WE TOOK EVERY PRECAUTION AND IT STILL HAPPENED. I NEED HELP TRYING TO COPE WITH MY LOSS.

Answer by Cj
Submitted on 4/26/2004
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You have to realize it isn't your fault and it happens all the time,you cant really prevent it and you cant stop it and a word of advice don't dwell on it because it just hurts you more it doesn't help you or the situation.

Answer by Carol
Submitted on 5/1/2004
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I have just completed an independant research project on SIDS. There does not seem to be any single cause of cot death and is possibly just a combination of factors that unfortunately make some babies more prone to it. Try to remember that this was not your fault and that nothing that you did or did not do is to blame. My thoughts are with you.

Answer by Amanda
Submitted on 8/29/2005
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I also lost a baby to SIDS. On May 29th I went to work and left my son with his father. I later received a phone call that would change my life. My son had quit breathing and my husband found him and gave him CPR. By the time help came he went 12 minutes without oxygen. He was brain dead. He was on life support for until June 1st, 2005. We decided it was time to let him go. It took an hour and a half watching his tiny body trying to live and I had to sit and watch him. He was only 4 1/2 months old.I know what you are going through. I would like to hear from other people. Please e-mail me at ABCiversonm@hotmail.com

Answer by Amanda
Submitted on 8/29/2005
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I also lost a baby to SIDS. On May 29th I went to work and left my son with his father. I later received a phone call that would change my life. My son had quit breathing and my husband found him and gave him CPR. By the time help came he went 12 minutes without oxygen. He was brain dead. He was on life support for until June 1st, 2005. We decided it was time to let him go. It took an hour and a half watching his tiny body trying to live and I had to sit and watch him. He was only 4 1/2 months old.I know what you are going through. I would like to hear from other people. Please e-mail me at ABCiversonm@hotmail.com

Answer by MOLD
Submitted on 10/11/2005
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Could STACHYBOTRYS be the cause of SIDS? INVISIBLE to the naked eye and grows in wall cavities as mold, the spores are then inhaled (poisons) by the occupants! My experience has devastated our lives after renting a palatial home and paying forty five thousand pounds (UK) to be bed ridden - lungs felt raw, passed blood, nose bleeds, fatigue, etc, etc, - Family had VIBRANT health before renting! Seems to be lots of toxic mold sites on line. My heart goes out to all who are suffering.

Answer by Rissa
Submitted on 4/25/2007
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I am so sorry for the lost in your family. I pray that all of the friends, family members and the reader all help with the horrible lost. I say this because for some of the parents that read this and this has happened to there child they blame theirselves but, you can`t do that! LOVE ALL Rissa

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