Coping With Retirement - Leaving the children and children leaving

One of the major turning points in many lives is when the children grow up and leave the house. Children will usually move out of their parents houses, for at least part of the year, between the ages of 18 and 21. The majority of children are permanently out of the house by the time they are 22.

For many families, this shift from being a full-time caregiver to a child to a parent of independent adults is a difficult one. Regardless of the continued contact through visits and calls, the separation of living space may be difficult for the parent to adjust to. It may also be difficult for the child to adjust to; transition to adulthood can be rocky.

Once the children are off on their own, the parent may find him- or herself with a sense of loss, lack of purpose, or anxiety. All of this may be attributed to the last child moving out, or it may be to a combination of events, such as a child leaving and a sixtieth birthday. If you or your spouse experience any prolonged or severe bouts of depression, it is important to consult with a therapist, even if you are sure you recognize the source of the depression. Recovering from the depression is what you should be working toward.

Many parents, however, find the empty home an enjoyable change. After adapting to the new patterns of living without children, they find that the respite from caring for others can be exhilarating. For some parents, this may be the first time in two decades where their days are completely their own to decide. It provides the opportunity to put oneself first. Although there may be some residual guilt about self-indulgence, it should pass quickly. This is the opportunity to nurture and care for yourself and your spouse as you have cared for your children. And, as any parent will attest, your children will continue to provide you with parenting concerns for the rest of your life.

The biggest consideration you should focus on during this transition is your emotional and mental state. As with any major life change, the period of transition will create stress, mood changes, and susceptibility to depression. If you experience any of the warning signs of depression (suicidal or violent thoughts, inertia, or chronic insomnia are some of the signs), please contact your physician or therapist.