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Archive-name: tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics
Last-modified: 1996/02/29
Posting-Frequency: Monthly
Saturday Night Live FAQ: Song Lyrics
=====================================
This is a transcription of various Saturday Night Live songs.
Song lyrics included:
Gonna Get Me a Shotgun
Images
Celebrity Hot Tub Party
The Boyfriend Song
Draw the Line
Go to Sleep, Little Doggies
The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr.
Turkey Song
Not Going to Phone it in Tonight
Girl
The Boulevard of Broken Balls
Red Hooded Sweatshirt
Mother's Day Song
Play On, Michael
Santa Song
Lunch Lady Land
The Hannukah Song
Recurring Characters Song
Subject: Gonna Get Me a Shotgun
Gonna Get Me a Shotgun
Performed by Garrett Morris on 24 Jan 1976 (Peter Cook and Dudley Moore)
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see,
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see.
When I kill all the whities I see, then whitey he won't bother me,
I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see.
Then I'll get a white woman who's wearing a navy blue sweater.
Subject: Images
Images by Tyrone Greene
Performed by Eddie Murphy (date unknown)
Dark and lonely on a summer's night
Kill my landlord
Kill my landlord
Watchdog barking
Do he bite?
Kill my landlord
Kill my landlord
Slip in his window
Break his neck
Then his house
I start to wreck
Got no reason
What the heck
Kill my Landlord
Kill my landlord
C-I-L-L
my l a n d l o r d
Subject: Celebrity Hot Tub Party
Celebrity Hot Tub Party
Performed by Eddie Murphy (date unknown)
"It's James Brown's Celebrity Hot Tub Party!
And now, here he is! The godfather of soul, and hot tub man number one,
James Brown!"
Sometimes it make me break out in a cold sweat!
One two three four!
Hot tub! Ha! Da!
Ah-full of water!
I say hot tub! Ha!
Day! Ba! Very, very hot... Very hot! Da!
Hot tub! Gonna get ya hot-a!
Gonna make ya sweat! Hey! Say!
Hot tub! Rub a dub in the hot tub!
Rub a dub with me!
Should I get in the hot tub?
(Yeah!)
Will it make me sweat?
(Yeah!)
Should I get in the hot tub?
(Yeah!)
Will it make me wet?
(Yeah!)
Well, well, well...
Hot tub! Ah!
Get in!
Gonna get in the water!
Gonna make me sweat! Ah!
Here I go in the hot tub!
HHHHIIIGGGHH!!
Too hot in the hot tub! Ma!
Burn myself!
Make it cooler!
Good God!
Gonna make me...
I'm gonna get in the hot tub..
I'm gonna get in the hot tub..
I'm gonna get in the hot tub..
Ha! Lilin! Lidilin! Eh!
A gonna make me sweat-ah!
Dah! Gonna make me sweat!
Gonna make me sweat-ah!
Dah! Gonna get me in the hot tub!
I can't stand it!
Here I go! I can't stand it!
Here I go in the hot tub!
Gonna get in the hot tub!
Gonna get it wet-ah!
Good God!
HHHIIIIGGHHH!! Ha!
Good God!
Rub a dub!
In the hot tub!
Rub a dub with me!
Good God!
Rub a dub in the hot tub!
Gonna set me free!
Don't go away! We'll be right back with more Celebrity Hot Tub!
"Coming up next: Dr. Joyce Brothers joins James Brown on Celebrity Hot Tub!"
(transcribed by Jeffrey Neau <jeffy@ironwood.cray.com>)
Subject: The Boyfriend Song
The Boyfriend Song
performed by Victoria Jackson with Willie Nelson
performed on 21 Feb 1987? (Willie Nelson and Paulina Porizkova)
(Victoria)
Oh I got one boyfriend to talk about food with
One boyfriend I like to talk crude with
One boyfriend I share a qualude with
(No not really I don't like qualudes,I Don't believe in drugs it just rhymed
perfect there)
One boyfriend who's mean
One boyfriend who wears a cowboy hat
One boyfriend who tells me I'm not fat
One boyfriend who looks at me like that
(Makes goofy face)
One who is serene
Oh woa is me
The joys of a single life
I'd give up in a minute
If I could be the wife of Mr. Right
Oh I got one boyfriend I work out at the gym with
One boyfriend I sing a church hymm with
One boyfriend I like to drink gin with
One who licks my lips
One boyfriend who won't let me chew gum
One boyfriend I have to hide my fingernails from
One boyfriend who use to sing with
Gladys Night and the Pips
Woa is me
The joys of a single life
I'd give up in a minute
If I could be the wife of Mr. Right
I concluded my search
On the way to the church
To enlist in the nunnery
When I ran into a man who
Began to tell to me
That he had
(Willie Nelson)
One girlfriend I thought was pretty slick
(Laughs through this line,Cannot understand him.Use your Imagination.)
One girlfriend that was kinda witty
One who was short and wise
And one girlfriend with thick red curley hair
And one girlfiend who didn't wear underwear
And one girlfriend who was shaped just like a pear
With Bette Davis eyes
(Victoria & Willie)
But woa is me
(Willie)
The joy of single life
I'd give up in a minute
If I could find a wife that's Mrs. Right
(Victoria & Willie)
We both entered the church doors together that day
Sincere in our motives and in our hearts
But we left one hour later hand in hand
For better or worse
In sickness and in health
Till death do us part
(transcribed by tomjody@techline.com)
Subject: Draw the Line
Draw the Line
performed by Victoria Jackson (date unknown)
Talk about love
Talk about morality
Are we having an affair
Or are you just glad to see me
Will a kiss goodnight
A kiss timed by the minute
If a minutes too long
Does the sweet little kiss have the devil in it
If we whisper low
Things no one else can hear
Will my husband know
Will he think my vows were insincere
Where do you draw the line
Between love and adultry
If your a friend of mine
Can I hold your hand
Where do you draw the line
Bump de Bump
(It's suppose to make you think)
Do you think it's O.K.
If I tickle your ear this way
Or if I lick the lint out of your navel
With my tongue
Will the neighbors talk
will they missconstru
And think you are not just my boyfriend
But that I am in love with you
Where do you draw the line
Do you think it's O.K.
If our clothes accidentaly fall off
When you come over to be comforted
Because a family member died
Or if we cuddled under the covers
of your bed because my heater wasn't working
And it was really really really really really really really really cold outside
Were the last two people on earth
And had to perpetuate the species
Or if a mafia hitman ordered us to
sleep together on day
Or what if the doctor said I had this terrible disease
And the only way to cure it would be
To take a shower with you naked
Where do you draw the line
Where do you draw the line
Where do you draw the line
Thank You
(transcribed by tomjody@techline.com)
Subject: Go to Sleep, Little Doggies
Go to Sleep, Little Doggies
performed by Kyle McLachlan
with GE Smith, Phil Harman, and Dana Carvey
performed on 29 Sep 1990 (Kyle McLachlan)
<Kyle and three others in front of a campfire in cowboy gear. GE plays guitar.>
Oh the campfire is glowin'
Evening purple shadows driftin by
Just another twilight on the cattle trail
Underneath the huckleberry sky
And the cattle are lowin'
Cause they don't know where they're goin'
They're heading down the trail to Kansas City, boys,
And they're gonna lose their heads and die.
(Chorus:)
Whoopee Tie Yi Yo
Get along little doggies
You're gonna lose your heads and die
Oh, they take ya little doggies
And single-file they walk ya through a door.
An automated treadle brings a collar down
and then you won't be movin' any more
A converyer belt will run ya'
To where a bolt through your skull will stun ya'
Then they cut your feet off with hydraulic shears
And take ya to the killin' floor
(Chorus:)
Whoopee Tie Yi Yo
Get along little doggies
You're going to the killing floor.
And then they cut 'im from the sternum to his uvula
<Backup singers> Uvula
And his heart continues pumpin
while his blood continues dumpin
til he's dead.
And then they clean 'em and inspect 'em
Stick a hot probe up their rectum:
A process that's used now and then
But not commercially widespread
Go to sleep, little doggies,
put your little worries on the shelf
Tomorrow afternoon'll be a tough one boys
Get some rest, and think'a somehtin' else.
Oh ya walked ta Kansas City
and you have this cowboy's pity
But someone had to lead you to the slaughterhouse
Cause you'd never make it by yourself.
(Chorus:)
Go to sleep
Go to sleep, little doggies
Put your mind on something else
Got to sleep
Got to sleep, little doggies.
Go to sleep...
<end of song>
<Kyle removes his hat to reveal a funky haircut and says:>
Hi. I'm k.d. lang. Thanks for listenin'
(transcribed by greg@girkin.itg.ti.com)
Subject: The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr.
The Speciality Songs of Cal McClain Jr.
Performed by Dennis Quaid on 15 Dec 1990 (Dennis Quaid)
Well, the USA won't take it, That dirt bags' got no class.
You can tell Saddam Housein for me, he can kiss my ass!
Narr: Finally in one album, all the speciality songs of
America's proudest country singer, Cal McClain Jr.
Well, the USA ain't backing down, We don't take orders from no nut.
Hey there, General Noriega... You can cram it up your butt!
Well, the USA has arrived to make you tow the line
And all you Granada people...
you can stick it where the sun don't shine!
Narr: Cal McClain Jr., sings whats on everyones mind,
In language that won't leave anyone guessing.
Well, the USA's in Southeast Asia, them hippies are getting whinny.
Well you can tell the guy from North Vietnam...
to shim it up his hinnie, yes you can!
Narr: The number 1 country singer, from the number one country - USA.
And if you order right away, you get an additional album
at no extra cost: 'Cal McClain Jr.: Songs for my ex-wives':
Dear Morene, I'm sorry my darling, and though you don't seem to care,
But I've still got my pride, and one thing to say...
You can stick it up your derriere!
Narr: Order now to recieve both albums. Send .95 to:
"Messages: the speciality songs of Cal McClain Jr."
Lynchburg, Tennesse.
Yeah, I hope you like these albums, but if you don't
you know what you can do, yeah!
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
Subject: Turkey Song
Turkey Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 23 Nov 1991 (Macaulay Culkin)
[spoken] "Yes, I am, Kevin. I've worked all week on my song, and I hope
you'll be entertained and a little moved."
[singing]
Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey cause it's good
Love to eat turkey like a good boy should
Cause it's turkey to eat,
So good
A turkey for me, turkey for you,
Let's eat turkey in a big brown shoe.
Love to eat turkey at the table,
I once saw a movie with Betty Grable.
Eat that turkey all night long,
50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong.
Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey dap,
I eat the turkey and I take a nap
[melody changes]
Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmie Walker used to say "Dynomite"
That's right!
[melody changes back]
Turkey with the gravy and the cranberry
Can't believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you, turkey for me,
Can't believe Tyson gave the girl V.D.
Gobble gobble dee, gobble gobble dawkie,
I used to go to camp at Lake Winnepesaukee
[spoken] Adam: "Come on, Kevin."
Kevin: "No, that's okay."
Adam: "Oh, it'll be funnn."
Kevin: "Okay."
[Kevin and Adam singing in (somewhat) unison]
Turkey turkey dee, turkey turkey duffin,
Love to eat turkey with a lot of stuffin'
Turkey for me, turkey for you,
Let's eat turkey in a big brown shoe.
Turkey and sweet potato pie,
Sammy Davis Jr. only had one eye
Turkey with the girls, turkey with the boys,
My favorite kind of pants are corduoroys
Gobble gobble gee, gobble gobble gickle
I wish turkeys only cost a nickel.
[song slows]
Oh, I love turkey .. on Thanksgivingggggg
[spoken]
Adam: "Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!"
(transcribed by Anthony Bonillo <bonilloa@ucs.orst.edu>)
(corrections by Christian L Claiborn <claiborn@express.ctron.com>)
Subject: Not Going to Phone it in Tonight
Performed by (in order of appearance):
Steve Martin, Victoria Jackson, Mike Myers, Julia Sweeney, Tim Meadows,
Chris Farley, Phil Hartman, Kevin Nealon, Joe, Lorne Michaels on 14 Dec 1991
(Steve Martin)
SM: Somethings out there. (whistle) Somethings in the air. (whistle)
Don't know how, don't know why, got a feeling
tonights the night, I'm actually gonna try.
Not going to phone it in tonight,
not going to go through the motions tonight.
This time I'm really gonna do the best I can.
Mr. Cue Card Man put those cards down over there,
but for some reason tonight I care!
VJ: You care? SM: That's right!
That's why I'm not gonna phone it in tonight,
not going to read my screenplay during the songs tonight.
I can walk through my part and still be hilarious,
I've done it so often before.
But look at these faces, look at this fat guy,
he wants more, he wants more!
Fat Guy: Hey, I'm not that fat! SM: Please !?!
So many times I've faked it, just because I could - I'm that good!
VJ: He's that good.
SM: But 20% won't do tonight.
MM: Mr. Martin, I'll do it for you tonight.
JS: Gonna do something different tonight,
something says, not to just do Pat tonight.
TM: I don't have any lines, I'm not in the show,
but something tells me that if I were I'd be rearing to go.
CF: Not gonna get liquored up tonight, Not gonna have a drink tonight,
I'm not gonna drink, till Update is through,
that's a promise to you the viewer.
Yeah, after the show, I'll drink till I spew
but for now, I'm committed for you.
PH: I hide behind these wigs and this makeup,
but tonight I'm gonna let my self shine through,
Yes, Their going to see the real Phil Hartman tonight!
SM: I wouldn't do that Phil. PH: OK.
SM: Follow me everyone, let's go make an effort!
All: Not going to have dead air tonight,
Gonna seem as if we care tonight.
KN: But Steve, why do you care, aren't you rich?
SM: I'm worth 17 million, I could buy and sell you and you and you
a thousand times over, but tonight there's a show to do.
Joe: Five minutes till monologue, Mr. Martin.
SM: Thanks, Joe.
Joe: I can't ever get fired, I've got a union job,
but somehow tonight it doesn't matter that I'm in with the mob.
Stagehands: Gonna move our big lard asses tonight
Gonna move our fat Teamster asses tonight!
SM: Make way.
LM: Steve, what's going on?
SM: Oh, we're going to do our best tonight, Lorne.
LM: Why, the shows on automatic pilot,
I don't even come in until Saturday.
SM: Lorne don't you see, that's not the way it was in the 70's.
Back in the 70's, people cared. They... they believed in something.
Now it's the 80's and everythings...
yuppie, yuppie, yuppie,... spend, spend spend.
LM: Steve, it's the 90's.
SM: Whatever. The point is...
(Singing again) I've always wanted to see,
how good I could be, I just want to know...
LM: (in fake opera voice) Then go, Steve, go and do a great show!
SM: Thank you Lorne. I've never felt so alive!
God, I feel young again, I feel... 38! Come on everybody...
All: We're going to learn our lines, do our parts well,
then we'll go back to coasting, but not while Steve's host,
Cause we're not gonna phone it in tonight
Not going to screw up one line tonight.
SM: I made it happen!
ALL: Steve made it happen.
SM: Now it is time. Live from New York... (pause) Line!...
It's Saturday Night!
(transcribed by: Michelle Wetherholt)
(corrections by: Arnold LS <arnoldls@aol.com>
Subject: Girl
Girl
Performed by Dana Carvey, Jason Priestly, Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider,
and Mike Myers on 15 Feb 1992 (Jason Priestly)
Arsenio (Chris Rock): Now don't leave us hanging with just that.
JP: Yeah, I hear that, Arsenio.
Yo guys, lets kick it!
(Music starts playing)
Yo now, before we start singing,
You also want to know in addition to writing our own songs,
we also do our own choreography.
JP: Girl, I can't stop thinking of you girl,
Y-O-U, spells girl.
Woke up this morning, put on my own clothes,
cause the ladys' not here, to help us no more.
Went down to the store, I got myself some juice,
its tasted good and fresh and I love you.
All: Girl, you are wicked awesome.
DC: I buttoned up my own shirt, whew!
All: Because, you girl...
RS: Whenever I make my own plane reservations...
All: I think of you girl, cause girl you are wicked awesome!
AS: My name is Donny, and I'm here to say
They call me Donny, cause that's my name.
Banana's are good in every way,
An apple a day, keeps the doctor away,
Purina Cat Chow -
All: Chow, chow, chow.
AS: If my friends could only see me now,
I'm walking, I'm talking, McCauly Caukin,
Roger Clemmons was called for walking.
Word, Sister!
All: 1, 2, Dosey dow, dosey dow.
All: You are... wicked awesome!
AS: Peace.
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
(corrections by LZealand@aol.com)
Subject: The Boulevard of Broken Balls
The Boulevard of Broken Balls
Performed by Christopher Walken on 24 Oct 1992 (Christopher Walken)
Temptation lingers in the lamplight,
Upon her lips a shadow falls.
She loves to flirt, she loves to tease,
Beneath her skirt, some new disease.
The Boulevard of Broken Balls.
Her lovers lurk in every doorway
With prices written on the walls
So if you're rich and have the cash,
You'll get an itch, you'll get a rash.
The Boulevard of Broken Balls.
You hear the whispers in the darkness
The laughter echoes and enthralls
They're taking bets you'll never know,
Your gigalette's a gigolo,
The Boulevard of Broken Balls
She leaves a token of your romance,
A souvenir that hops and crawls.
You bring the crabs home to your wife,
She stabs you with a butcher knife.
The Boulevard of Broken Balls.
(transcribed by Cristobal Joseevich Junta <grisha@athena.mit.edu>)
(corrections by Bob <bamini@jpmorgan.com>)
(corrections by C. J. Burke <cjbure@io.com>)
Subject: Red Hooded Sweatshirt
Red Hooded Sweatshirt
Performed by Adam Sandler on 13 Feb 1993 (Alec Baldwin)
My mom bought you when I was just 13,
the brightest red sweatshirt I ever seen.
She got an extra large so I wouldn't grow out,
"That's too big for you!" the other kids would shout.
But we stuck together, we didn't quit,
and now the children say, "What a perfect fit."
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeatshirt.
I like to rest my hands in your kangaroo pouch,
it makes them feel comfy like a big soft couch.
And I don't care if the weather's no good,
I say "See you later rain" as I pull up my hood.
Remember that long bus trip when I needed a nap?,
I used you as a pillow on that Spanish lady's lap.
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong
sweeeeatshirt.
Oh what is it about you that makes me so jolly?,
Is it your fifty cotton or your fifty poly?
I don't knoooooooww
ohh ohh hoo hoo hoo.
Oh red hooded sweatshirt we been through a lot together
like that time I played in that shirts and skins basketball game
and I had to take you off and throw you in the corner of the gym.
I was midway through the game and then I saw you looking at me.
You were staring as if to say "Adam, you suck at basketball,
you dribble like a damn woman." I was so mad I challenged you
to a game of one on one and you know sweatshirt, even though I
beat you 11 to 9, deep in my soul I know you missed those lay-ups
on purpose. You let me win and that why (Kevin, please help
me out)
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded <kevin nealon>
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip <kevin nealon>
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ding dong <kevin nealon>
sweeeeatshirt.
Come on audience members, help me out here.
I love you sweeeeatshirt
red hooded <unknown audience member>
sweeeeatshirt
dip dip dip <paul mccartney>
sweeeeatshirt
shama lama ling dong <linda mccartney>
sweeeeatshirt.
I love you sooooooooooo.
Happy Valentine's Everybody!
(transcribed by Doug Krause <dijon@lido.com>)
Subject: Mother's Day Song
Mother's Day Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 08 May 1993 (Christina Applegate)
Mama was the one who reached down and tied my shoelace.
Mama spit on her fingers and used it to clean dirt off my face.
Brush your teeth, Q-tip your ear,
take off your sister's new brassiere.
Watch PBS, not Deputy Dawg,
don't you eat that Lincoln Log.
Oh mama I still don't believe
it's true: The tooth fairy was you.
No Way!
I love you maaaaaama,
more than than paaaastrama,
way more than Jeffrey Daaaahma,
even more than my NFL paaaaajamas.
Mama always calmed down dad when he got too mean.
Like the time he almost hit me for stealing his Juggs magazine.
Stop your jumping,
you'll break the bed.
Don't you fill up
on the bread.
Take those
Take those
(trying to read cue card)
Take ... carrots out of your nose,
that's not a hat that's pantyhose.
Don't play baseball in your suit,
that Magnum PI's very cute.
Don't forget Vick's Vapor-rub,
stop masturbating in the tub.
Thanks for making corn beef hash,
and putting powder on my rash.
(So much better.)
I love you maaaaaama,
more than golf with Arnold Paaaaalmaaaa,
more than yellow moons in Lucky Chaaaaamaaaas,
Def Leppard's drummer only had one aaaaaaamaaa.
Oh, Mrs. Nealon, yes it's true,
Kevin's gonna sing to you.
Come on Kevin.
I love you maaaaaama (kevin)
Come on, keep goin'.
More than films by Brian DePaaaaalmaaaa. (kevin)
Thanks for being my date to the praaaaamaaaa.
Thanks for writing that note to the draft
board that said I was gay so I got out
of Vietnaaaamaaa. (kevin)
Mom your way better than the World Trade Center baaaaamaaaa.
Who's name by the way is Mohamed Salaaaamaaa. (kevin)
I love you even more than Richard Gere loves the Dali Laaaaahmaaa.
And Richard Gere was also good in "Sommersby",
which was a melodraaaamaa. (kevin)
Oh, all you moms out there oughta know,
we kids love you so.
Have a Happy Mother's Day.
Thank you very much!
Thank you!
Adam Saaaandlaaa. (kevin)
(transcribed by Doug Krause <dijon@lido.com>)
Subject: Play On, Michael
Play On, Michael
Performed by (in order of appearance): Kevin Nealon, David Spade,
and Aerosmith on 09 Oct 1993 (Jeff Goldblum)
Oh, I've seen Magic and I've seen Bird,
I saw Kareem retire but I never said a word,
but I always thought I see you play
one more time again.
Runaway, Mike better come back,
got season tickets, can't get my money back.
Don't you know that you're so crowd pleasing,
Won't you stick around for one more season?
Play on, play one more year
play for the fans and play for the cheers.
Play the Sonics, play the Knicks too,
Even the Celtics, we'll still root for you.
I've seen you score 500 points.
Want to see you score 500 more.
Just to be a man, you should take it from a man.
Score 1,000 points on a basketball court.
Micheal Jordan, Micheal Jordan, Micheal Jordon, Micheal Jordan.
Micheal, A, Micheal, O, Micheal Jordan.
Oh, Yippe yo, yippe yay,
Keep Jordon in the muther!!! ?/&^% house.
Micheal Jordan, where you think your going
With your tongue hanging out and your bald head showin'?
Don't you know you're in a higher class,
come back before a pimp slap your ?/&^%.
Ee, Oh, yamma yamma, are you good enough,
Please don't quit yet Micheal, oh yeah.
Oh, Ah, Oh, lamma beda bota,
Your the best dribbler, oh yeah.
Oh, Ah, Oh, lamma beda bota,
Who's Pippen gonna pass to, oh yeah.
Oh, Ye, Er, Yamma dinga dungo,
It's so boring, oh yeah.
Play on, play one more year.
Play against ??? play against Laimbeer.
Take the basketball, throw it through the hoop,
Do a 360 and slam it a-la-oop.
He's out playing is as big as a whale,
Everybodys playing, everybodys saying things
Michael don't forget about your endorsement money.
Everybodys playing, everybodys saying
Won't you sleep on this.
Micheal baby, won't you sleep on it?
Won't you sleep on it, and give us an answer in the morning.
Won't you sleep on this.
Michael baby, won't you sleep on it?
Won't you sleep on it, and give us an answer in the morning.
Play on for one more year.
One thing seems very, very clear.
Play on, play on, PLAY ON, PLAY ON,
Play on Michael, Play on!
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
(corrections by Jeffrey E. Neau)
(corrections by Jason Nafziger <nafziger.5@osu.edu>)
Subject: Santa Song
Santa Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 11 Dec 1993 (Sally Field)
So many presents,
so little time,
Santa won't be coming around my house this year,
'cos I tried to drown my sister and I pierced my ear,
Oh mama made it perfectly clear,
Santa don't like bad boys...especially Jewish ones.
Gnip-gnop and lego blocks are all that I desire,
so why did I have to set the pizza guy's hair on fire,
I told him I was sorry,
I'm a liar,
so no toys for me...I don't deserve them.
I couldn't wait for a big wheel as the holiday neared,
but then I told my grandma that she had a beard.
Dear Santa,
I know what my problem is, why I can't be good, it's a fear of intimacy.
You see my whole life whenever I've met someone really great like you and
I keep feeling like I'm getting close to them, something inside me makes
me want to screw it up. So in a weird way the reason I'm so bad is because
I love you santa.
Rock-em Sock-em Robots is what I was hoping for,
but then I made a death threat to vice president Gore,
oh santa won't be knocking on my door,
'cos he's a big fat whore...what made me say that?
Chutes and ladders would be so good indeed,
so why'd I have to sell that cop a bag of weed,
so Santa please give me that easy bake oven,
I swear I thought billy goats we're made for lovin'.
So Santa won't you accept my apologies,
Santa can't you see I'm begging you please,
oh Santa next year I'll do you right,
Live from New York it's Saturday night...
(transribed by Neil Mackie <nmack@lamar.ColoState.EDU>)
(corrections by John J Cassidy <cassidy@cps.msu.edu>)
Subject: Lunch Lady Land
Lunch Lady Land
Performed by Adam Sandler on 15 Jan 1994 (Sara Gilbert)
Sandler: This is a song about the high school experience sung
through the eyes of the person who more than anyone
else puts young people on the right path. I'm not
talking about the teachers, I'm not talking about the
coaches, I'm not even talking about the guidence coun-
selors. I'm talking about a person we call.. The Lunch
Lady.
Woke up in the morning, put on my new plastic glove.
Served some reheated salsbury steak with a little slice of
love.
I got no clue what the chicken pot pie is made of..
Just know everything's doing fine down here in...
LUNCHLADY LAND
Well I wear this net on my head..cuz my red hair is fallin'
out. I wear these brown orthapedic shoes cuz I got a bad
case of the gout.
I know you want seconds on the corn dogs,
but there's no reason to shout.
Everybody gets enough food down here in the magical..
LUNCHLADY LAND.
(G. E. Smith & band joins in)
Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes.
And my breath reaks of tuna and there's lots of black hairs
comin' out of my nose.
AH
Hoagies and grinders, hoagies and grinders
navy beans, navy beans, navy beans, navy beans.
hoagies and grinders, hoagies and grinders
navy beans, navy beans..MEATLOAF SANDWICH.
Sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah
sloppy joe slop sloppy joe ooh-yeah
(with Chris Farley)
sloppy joe slop sloppy joe yeah
sloppy joe slop sloppy joe -YEAH
Then one morning that I woke up to see aw the pepperoni pizza
was lookin at me.
It screamed why do you burn me and serve me up cold,
I said a I got the spatula- just do what you're told.
And the liver and onions started joining the fight and the
chocolate pudding pushed me with all its might and the chop
suey slapped me and it kicked me in the head -it's called
revenge LunchLady said the garlic bread
I said what did I do to make you all so mad?
You got flabby arms and your breath is bad.
And the green beans said you better run and hide
but then my friend Sloppy Joe came and joined my side.
He said if it wasn't for the Lunch Lady the kids wouldn't eat ya
You should be shakin' her hand and sayin' pleased to meet ya
She gives you a purpose and she gives you a goal
You should be kissin' her feet or kissin' her mole
Now all the angry food just leave me alone,
And we all live together in our happy home a thanks to
Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe yeah
Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe ooh yeah
Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe yeah
(slower)Sloppy Joe Slop Sloppy Joe well..
Me and Sloppy Joe got married.
We got six kids and we're doin' just fine.
Down in Lunch Lady Land
OHH WOAH!
(transcribed by Richard Wludyga <wludygr@alleg.EDU>)
(corrections by Doug Krause <dijon@lido.com>)
Subject: The Hannukah Song
The Hannukah Song
Performed by Adam Sandler on 03 Dec 1994 (Roseanne)
Chorus:
Put on your yamukah
Here comes Hannukah
So much funnukah
To celebrate Hannukah
Hannukah is: the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We have eight crazy nights
When you feel like/the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people that are
Jewish like you and me:
David Lee Roth
lights the menorah
So do Kirk Douglas, James Caan
and the late Dinah Shorah
Guess who eats together at
the Carnegie Deli?
Bowser from Sha-Na-Na
And Arthur Fonzarelli!
Paul Newman's half Jewish
and Goldie Hawn's half, too
Put them together,
What a fine looking Jew!
You don't need to Deck the Halls
Or Jingle Bell Rock,
'Cause you can spin the dreidel
With Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock!
[Chorus]
O.J. Simpson [not a Jew]
But guess who is? Hall of Famer Rod Carew [He converted]
We got Ann Landers and her
sister Dear Abby,
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish
Not too shabby
Some people think Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well, he's not, but guess who is --
All three Stooges!
[Chorus]
So many Jews are in Show Biz
Tom Cruise isn't but I think his agent is
Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Hanukkah
I hope I get a harmonica
On this lovely lovely Hanukkah
So drink your gin and tonica
But don't smoke marijuanica
If you really really wannika
Have a Happy Happy Happy Happy Hanukkah
Happy Hannukah Everybody!
Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah!
(transcribed by Michael Bauer <FASK37A@prodigy.com>)
(corrections by James Kass <kassj@village.ios.com>)
(corrections by ELL11@aol.com)
Subject: Recurring Characters Song
Recurring Characters Song
date performed unknown
Performers:
Cajun Man - Adam Sandler
Frankenstein - Phil Hartman
Frans - Kevin Nealon
Hollywood Min. - David Spade
Jan Brady - Melanie Hutsell
Name Guy (Rich)- Rob Schneider
Pat Riley - Julia Sweeney
Queen Shanequa - Ellen Cleghorn
Stuart Smalley - Al Franken
Super Fans - Chris Farley & ?
Wayne Campbell - Mike Myers
Queen Shanequa:
We can't be standing back child
We gotta get up our spirits and stand.
Pat:
So persons of all colors and sexes, inside we're all the same.
Super Fans:
We can't keep relying of Coach Ditka, he's just one man my friend.
?:
Let's stay calm, we will not burn, and let the fighting end.
All:
Make tomorrow's future a better day
Let's increase the peace and we'll all be glad
We're making a choice, to heal the wounds.
We're in this together:
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
Stuart Smalley: We musn't be rage-a-holics, we must find our inner child.
Frankenstein: Fin our inna chid!
Jan Brady:
I've got three brothers and two sisters
and we never get that wild.
Cajun Man:
Compassion, communication, we must fight descrimination.
Frans: Hear us now and believe us later
Wayne: We're in a most heinous spot
Frans: I could very easily set fire, to your puny licking store
Wayne: So lets settle this with violence - NOT!
All:
Make tomorrow's future a better day
We are our brothers and sisters and we'll all be hap
Let's increase the peace, can't we all get along?
We're making a choice:
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
?: We must end this racial split.
Hollywood Minute: It's called love - Look into it.
Rich:
Rodney King, the King-meister, King Rodney
The Organinator
Peace - Peace-A-Rama!
Make tomorrow's future a better day
Can we not be mad.
Like our characters have a reoccuring theme
Lets go hand in hand.
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
All: Fire, BAD!
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
All: Fire, BAD!
Frankenstein: Fire, BAD!
All: Fire, BAD!
Cajun Man: You descrimination
Jan Brady: Brotherhood, brotherhood, brotherhood.
Super Fans: The Bears!
(transcribed by Michelle Wetherholt)
Subject: HOW TO GET THE SNL SONG LYRICS ARCHIVE
If this document is out of date, the latest version can be
obtained from one of these sources:
ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/
ftp://ftp.uu.net/usenet/news.answers/tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics.Z
http://www.cis.ohio-state.edu/hypertext/faq/usenet/tv/sat-night-live/song-lyrics/faq.html
Please send any corrections or new information to snl-faq@lido.com.
--
Doug Krause dijon@lido.com http://www.lido.com/
"The circle is now complete. The Circle of Life!" -Mufasa Vader
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