Top Document: soc.culture.jewish.parenting FAQ: Newsgroup Policies and Procedures Previous Document: 2.7 I disagree with the rejection. What should I do now? Next Document: 2.9. How do moderators handle borderline cases? See reader questions & answers on this topic! - Help others by sharing your knowledge Here are some example questions, along with an indication of how the article would be handled by the moderation team. The result categories are: ACCEPT Article is clearly acceptable REWORD AND RESUBMIT Article is acceptable after rewording REFER TO... Article belongs in a different newsgroup In all cases, rationales are given. Paragraph references are to the charter. Unless specified otherwise, the moderators assumed the child was being raised as a Jew. ANTISEMITISM/HOLOCAUST (AS) AS-01 When I told her about my grandparents at Dachau, my seven year old told me "that's ok - I'm not Jewish like them, so I would be safe". Is this normal defense behavior? Should I try and explain that even though we're raising her in a secular home, that she would be Jewish by the standards of Hitler, but that she's safe from him because he died a long time ago? ACCEPT. Similar questions would come from Jewish children, who feel safe because they are not in Germany. It leads into the general question of teaching children about the holocaust. AS-02 I've been telling my children about their family members lost in the Holocaust, and what the Holocaust means. My lover came in recently, and got very angry because I was talking about the Holocaust as a Jewish tragedy. He was very, very upset, because he too lost family members to the Nazis (he's Polish) - how can I tell my kids about the Holocaust and its importance as a Jewish tragedy while also acknowledging its broader implications? ACCEPT. Although this is a more general question of acknowledging the other aspects of the holocaust while retaining Jewish significance, children of different ages need different answers to their questions, especially questions on such frightening topics as genocide and war. However, to be appropriate for the group, these other aspects should be explained from a Jewish perspective, something they wouldn't get from misc.kids. To that end, an approporiate moderator's note should be added to the end, for example [When responding to this question, please try and address the issue from a Jewish perspective -- Yr. Mod.] CIRCUMCISION (CI) CI-01 What do you mean you want to raise your child as Jewish but don't want to circumcize. Jewish Law says that male children must be circumcized. REWORD AND RESUBMIT or REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH. As worded, this implies that the position of liberal Jewish movements, that recommend but don't mandate circumcision, are invalid. It is also worded as a personal attack. [P2.1] CI-02 We've decided not to circumcise our son, and I'm concerned about reaction from family/friends/the Jewish community? ACCEPT. Context implies the child is being raised Jewish, and the post is addressing Jewish issues. CI-03 We just had our first child -- a boy -- and though there's no question for us about circumcising him, I feel terrible about having to put him through this. How have others coped? ACCEPT. Context is shared experiences of Jewish parents. CI-04 We don't know the sex of our soon-to-arrive baby. We are terrified at the thought of having to plan a Brit in a week? How do people do it? ACCEPT. Direct Jewish parenting question. CI-05 I don't understand all this talk about deciding whether or not to circumcise. How can a boy be a Jew and not be circumcised? REWORD AND RESUBMIT or REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH. As written, this questions the validity of those movements that consider circumcision optional. [P2.1, P2.2] CI-06 I think that mutilating a baby based on some bizarre religious ritual is evil and should be illegal. How can you people be so vicious. REFER TO TALK.FLAME. This is a clear attack on Judaism, and violates the charter with respect to flames on the procedure of circumcision. [P2.2] CI-07 When my son was born 12 years ago, we considered ourselves 'cultural' Jews, and so we had him circumsized in the hospital, with no mohel and no brit milah. As the years have gone by, my family has gotten much more involved in Judaism, and now we affiliate with a Conservative synagogue. While speaking to the Rabbi about my son's upcoming bar mitzvah, he asked about my son's brit. After hearing my story, he insisted that my son have a ceremonial brit, with a pinprick. Although I'm hesitent, I want to go ahead with the brit. My son refuses. The Rabbi won't go forward with the Bar Mitzvah without the brit. What should we do? ACCEPT *and* REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH. This question can be judged in many ways. Portions of it address halachic interpretation and are thus appropriate for S.C.J. In the S.C.J.P context, the relevant aspect is the son's refusal and handling the corresponding emotional issues. [P3.2] CONFLICTS WITH CHILDREN'S RELIGIOUS CHOICES (CO) CO-01 My daughter wants to be baptized. Should I let her make her own choice about religion, even though it means allowing her to reject my faith? ACCEPT. The question deals with the general issue of a child raised within Judaism making a choice of religion; perhaps one with which the parent disagrees. Similar questions could be: ``My Orthodox daughter has gone and joined the "Moonies"--what do I do?'' or ``I'm Reform, and my son has gotten involved with Chabad, a sect of Judaism with whose practices I disagree. How do I parent in this situation?'' DIFFERENT LEVELS OF PRACTICE (DL) DL-01 I have become much more observent and now want to keep kosher in our home. Neither spouse nor child is thrilled with the idea. While I can't stop spouse from eating BLT's out, can I enforce the rules out-of-home for my child? (She says it isn't fair.) ACCEPT. Deals with teaching children Kashrut. It also deals with children rejecting a change (increase or decrease) in the Jewish practice in the home. Lots of other similar examples could be possible. HALACHA/TEACHING ABOUT HALACHA (HA) HA-01 What is the appropriate Shiva behavior for an 11-year-old child who has lost a parent? REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH. This is asking about what the proper halacha is, and doesn't address the relationship between parent and child. [P3.2] HA-02 My sister has just passed away leaving an 11-year-old daughter. The daughter wants to sit shiva even though she is below age at which it would be required. Her father doesn't think she should, as she is too young. What can I do to help them through this traumatic time while attempting to make sure both their needs are met. ACCEPT. This addresses a parent attempting to meet the needs of a child raised in a Jewish context. HA-03 My twins are about to turn 3, and I'm looking for some way of honoring this special birthday. I've made a cloth torah for my son, with quilted illustrations of several bible stories inside, and I've bought my daughter some silver candlesticks, but I'm looking for a halachic ceremony. Any suggestions? ACCEPT. Although in some ways a halachic question, the issues are clearly releated to parenting in a Jewish context. HA-04 At what age should my child start reciting various prayers? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. HA-05 I'm an observant parent, and I live within walking distance of a playground. I'd like to take my 2.5-year-old there on Shabbat, but I'm not sure what activities would be permitted. Can he play in the sand? What if the sand is wet? What do other observant parents do? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. HA-06 I have an 8-month-old daughter whose pediatrician has suggested introducing meats. However, she is still taking frequent milk feedings, and we keep a Kosher home. How do I deal with the time restraints between meat and dairy with an infant? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. HA-07 How did you start teaching your child about kashrut? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. HA-08 What are some good games and other activities for reinforcing Torah? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. HA-09 What's your routine for davening with your kids? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. INTERACTIONS BETWEEN DIFFERENT FAITHS/INTERFAITH ISSUES (IF) IF-01 When I went shopping with my SIL, she had her child sit on Santa's lap. Now my child wants to do the same. I've explained to her that we don't have Santa, but she wants to anyway. Do any of you allow this? ACCEPT. Deals with the interaction of Jewish children with the non-Jewish world, while preserving their Judaism. This is actually a topic that could not be discussed easily on misc.kids. IF-02 Now that I've got preschoolers, I find myself avoiding stores from October to February. Besides the obvious complaint that Christmas is ONE DAY LONG, but we've got to face it for 6 months, I need to some way to reinforce that this isn't OUR holiday to my kids. Besides living like a hermit, what do you do to keep this red and green invasion from your home? ACCEPT. Deals with the interaction of Jewish children with the non-Jewish world, while preserving their Judaism. This is actually a topic that could not be discussed easily on misc.kids. IF-03 My daughter has been invited to a birthday sleep-over at a friend's house. Her friend is not Jewish. We keep a strict Kosher home, and my daughter has never eaten any treif. How do I balance my trust of my daughter (6 yrs next week) with the fear that peer pressure will override and she'll be tempted to eat treif? ACCEPT. Clearly a question related to raising a child in a Jewish context. IF-04 We are raising our child Jewish, but my spouse feels she should at least be exposed to the other side of her heritage and wants to take her to church. I am not opposed to the visit, but feel she may be confused. How can I reduce her confusion without making her feel that the other religion (and by extension, my spouse) is bad? ACCEPT. The child is clearly being raised Jewish. IF-05 My child was raised as a committed Jew. After his mother died, I remarried someone who has, subsequent to the marriage, "seen the light" and become Christian. She's invited my son to a tree trimming party. He doesn't want to come. How do I find a compromise position? ACCEPT. The question, in a general sense, is how do Jewish children deal with non-Jewish influences without compromising their Jewish principles. IF-06 Should an interfaith child being raised non-Jewish have a Christmas Tree? REFER TO MISC.KIDS OR MORE APPROPRIATE FORUMS. This question is about a non-Jewish child's non-Jewish traditions and hence does not fit the charter [P3.5] IF-07 I practice both Buddhism and Judaism. How do I explain the relation of our Jewish and Buddhist identities to our 7-year-old? REFER TO MISC.KIDS, SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH, OR MORE APPROPRIATE FORUMS. The questions pertains to the intermingling of multiple faiths, which does not fit within the charter. [P3.6] IF-08 My spouse has never come to shul with us. This has never been an issue, but next week my child's Sunday school class is leading the service and he STILL won't come. My child is crushed. ACCEPT. The child is clearly being raised in a Jewish context. IF-09 We keep a Kosher home. My husband converted from a Christian religion many years ago. On the first Christmas after our son was born, his father's family invited us to spend part of the holiday with them. My son was just beginning to eat finger foods, and while we were napping, my MIL gave our son HAM salad to eat, "forgetting" that we keep Kosher. I was furious, and insisted that we leave. Now my son is 2, and they've offered to take him for a weekend. We'd love the time alone, but I'm petrified that she'll be letting him eat shrimp and lobster the second our car pulls out of the driveway. Anyone else have this problem? ACCEPT. Concerns maintaining Jewish standards. IF-10 All my 3 yr-old son's friends have been to McDonalds, but we keep Kosher. He's dying for the Happy Meal toys, and doesn't understand just WHY he can't eat there as well? My BIL, who isn't Jewish, keeps saying in front of my son "OH just get the happy meal and let him eat the fries." But I'm not positive that they don't use animal fats. It infuriates me that my BIL does this, especially as it inflames my son to even more whining. ACCEPT. Concerns maintaining Jewish standards. IF-11 My children want to know if I will make them Easter Baskets. They say that Daddy had them when he was little and they want them too. They are being raised Jewish and I don't want to bring this "custom" into our home. Is there an alternative? ACCEPT. This deals with a child raised in a Jewish context dealing with the non-Jewish world while retaining a commitment to Judaism. IF-12 We're atheists, but raising our children culturally Jewish - how do we explain to our older daughter that despite what her Hebrew School teacher tells her, we can be Jews and not believe in God. SUGGEST REWORDING BUT ACCEPT IF REWORDING IS DECLINED. As worded, this would act as flamebait. The word `culturally' might attract flames without contributing much to the explanation needed to put the question into context, hence we might suggest deleting it. Further, the last phrase might be reworded as "we can hold different beliefs", if the poster thought they might benefit from replies to that more general question. As written, this makes a statement that goes against a traditional Jewish position, and could be inflammatory. However, it could be accepted as is if the original poster did not want to change the wording. The moderator might want to add a note indicating that the question could also be considered in a more general fashion; that is, addressing differences between what is taught in religious school and what is taught at home. The more general question is quite common, and often arises when Reform families send their children to Conservative day schools. [P2.1] IF-13 I've become more and more observant as I've gotten older and Judaism has become more and more important to me. I very much want my son to understand how important my religion is to me, but we've always tried very hard to raise him in both faiths. How can I make him see that I really would like him someday to be a Jew, without pressuring him or making him feel rejected? ACCEPT. This is a clear parenting issue, with a clear indication of a desire to raise a child in Judaism. OTHER JEWISH PARENTING (OT) OT-01 We won't be having a pidyan ha ben for our son, since we previously lost another child through miscarriage. However, we don't want to disclose this (for a variety of reasons) to our families. Has anyone else had to deal with this type of situation? ACCEPT. This question is clearly related to the submitters new status of a Jewish parent, and needs the sensitivities of other Jewish parents. PERSONAL ATTACKS PA-01 The poster of the previous article, Shmuel Schmuckputz, is a fool for saying that ... REWORD AND RESUBMIT. As worded, this is a personal attack. [P2.5] PRACTICAL JEWISH PARENTING (PR) PR-01 How do I choose a good Jewish day school? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-02 I'm taking my kids on vacation to Israel. What are significant Jewish religious sites that we should visit with the children? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-03 Do you have any recommendations for Jewish-themed children's books? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-04 How do I teach my child the concept of Tzedakah (charitable donation)? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-05 Does anyone have unique Jewish-themed costume ideas for the Purim carnival? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-06 I invented some kosher l'Pesach cookie recipes that my picky 2-year-old will actually eat; would anyone like to exchange toddler-friendly Pesach recipes? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-07 How did you persuade your little boy to keep his kippa on? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-08 What tunes do you use for modeh ani? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-09 What is your bedtime routine with your toddler, and where does the Sh'ma fit in? My kid screams during the Sh'ma because he knows story time is over; how do I get him to stop? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-10 How do you explain the harsher Torah narrative episodes to young kids who are prone to nightmares? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. PR-11 How do you explain the holidays to very small kids? ACCEPT. This is clearly a Jewish parenting question. VALIDITY OF MOVEMENTS (VA) VA-01 I feel that Jewish Law concerning the treatment of women is barbaric and archaic. I don't want my child to learn those values. REWORD AND RESUBMIT. This attacks the validity of the Orthodox interpretation, which operates in terms of responsibilities, not rights. If worded as "I have difficulties with the Orthodox concept of the role of women. How do I teach my child how to reconcile those values with egalitarian thought?", it would be acceptable. [P2.1] VA-02 I am having trouble tolerating the existance of Jews who belong to Synagogues other than an Orthodox one! If we allow ourselves to be rational and think for a moment, we would awaken to the truth. What is the truth, we ask? The truth is that all these other branches of Judaism are in reality what Christianity once was! REFER TO TALK.FLAME. This post cannot be easily reworded, and is a clear attack on the liberal movements in Judaism. [P2.1] VA-03 I'm distressed about the path Reform has taken regarding "Who is a Jew"? Perhaps indeed we should all follow this path. Within one or two generations, there will be no Jews, but at least we shall have left a pleasant memory in the minds of the gentiles. REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH OR TALK.FLAME. Questions the viability of Reform as a Jewish movement. [P2.1] VA-04 I've met a single mom with two kids. She says she's an atheist Jew, I'm affiliated with an egalitarian Conservative synagogue. We're recently engaged and are now discussing having another child. I'm VERY unhappy with the non-practicing nature of her childrearing, and would want my kids to be involved with my synagogue. Her kids are picking up on this disagreement, and it is making everyone miserable. How do we combine two very different views of Judaism when raising our blended family? ACCEPT, but a caution should be added to remind respondants to avoid attacking the validity of any Jewish movement. VA-05 My Reform wife just bought my two sons Power Rangers Kippot for synagogue. I'm appalled. My sons attend a Modern Orthodox shul. Would these kippot be unacceptable at my shul, even though it is clear that my sons LOVE the kippot and will wear them willingly, unlike their usual black crocheted ones. ACCEPT OR REFER TO SOC.CULTURE.JEWISH. There are two issues here. Once is a pure halachic question concerning what makes kippot acceptable. The other is the question of how to address this issue with the children, which is a parenting question. [P3.2] VA-06 My wife recently died and left me as the single parent of 3 daughters. I've always been a 'cultural Jew' but my wife was Orthodox and my daughters attend an Orthodox day school. However, I'm not sure I want this to continue. My MIL is apoplectic that I would consider pulling my daughters out of their religious education. I feel hypocritical having them attend a school that teaches things in which I've no beliefs. Especially difficult for me is the way my daughters are being taught about being an adult woman. The limited nature of the view of adult Jewish women is stifling to me, but my wife felt so strongly about this issue. I'm confused. Can anyone help me? SUGGEST REWORDING BUT ACCEPT IF REWORDING IS DECLINED. Although this question is related to the adult parent's opinions of the Orthodox position, the decision of where to send one's children to school is clearly a parenting issue, and the decision of what kind of Jewish day school to send one's children to is clearly a Jewish issue. However, rewording would soften the tone of this and allow fruitful discussion. More importantly, rewording would allow the writer to focus more on the school issue; as written, comments would be more on the nature of the Orthodox view of women, which wouldn't be appropriate. The basic deciding factor is that discussing how to raise your children in the context of your movement's position, or in a context that differs from what they get taught in religious school is an appropriate question for the newsgroup. Given that, if the wording changes are declined, a moderator's note could be added suggesting that, to stay on topic in this group, responses should stick to the parenting question of selecting religious education for his children that conflicts with what he/she believes, and that discussions of Orthodoxy's position on women are more appropriate for soc.culture.jewish. User Contributions:Top Document: soc.culture.jewish.parenting FAQ: Newsgroup Policies and Procedures Previous Document: 2.7 I disagree with the rejection. What should I do now? Next Document: 2.9. How do moderators handle borderline cases? Single Page [ Usenet FAQs | Web FAQs | Documents | RFC Index ] Send corrections/additions to the FAQ Maintainer: SCJ FAQ Maintainer <maintainer@scjfaq.org>
Last Update March 27 2014 @ 02:11 PM
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